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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24620533">Just Relax</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HK44/pseuds/HK44'>HK44</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Percy At The Nome [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Percy Jackson and the Olympians &amp; Related Fandoms - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:41:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,205</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24620533</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HK44/pseuds/HK44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Nico clamped a hand on the back of his neck, pinning him into place. “Stop freaking out,” he whispered. His hand slid through his hair, cooling away the sweat that had been forming. “You have to learn to relax.”</p>
<p>Relaxing had never been Percy’s best move. He couldn’t remember a day where he hadn’t been stressed out of his mind in the last seven years. It was only recently, living in the Nome where nothing was expected of him but mundane chores and singing terribly to the Little Mermaid for the little ones.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Nico di Angelo/Percy Jackson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Percy At The Nome [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1759660</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>127</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Just Relax</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You’re awake.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Percy glanced over his shoulder. For the first time in a while, he wasn’t startling backwards, instincts going “PROTECT YOURSELF”, hands on his sword, before he had time to take stock of whoever, or whatever, spooked him. It was weird but it felt good not to constantly be terrified out of his skin. Especially now, when he took in the view of Nico behind him. Despite his skin, he blended in the darkness well, only illuminated by the flash of the television ahead of him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He still felt horrible about almost killing him months before. Especially when he’d done it so many other times. Intentionally.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Couldn’t sleep,” he said. He was tempted to turn away so he wouldn’t have to watch Nico vanish again. He never said goodbye. He couldn’t take his view away from him though. He was never sure if he’d ever see the gangly teen again. “Were you training with Walt?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nico shook his head. “Sleeping.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” Percy faltered. “I didn’t know you spent the nights here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not normally.” He approached slowly, his fingers dancing at his side. “But it’s been hot lately and Felix says I’m a human ice cube. So I said I’d lay with him until he fell asleep.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cocking his head, he shifted into the arm of the couch, waiting to see if Nico would draw up onto the couch or just stand there like a ghost before disappearing like he usually did. After a few seconds, he turned his gaze back to the TV. He swallowed thickly. “You run cold?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Inhumanly so.” The couch gave way under his weight. “Apparently it’s a common thing among the children of the Underworld, especially my father’s children.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Percy grinned crooked. “Yeah? Why do you think that is?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nico looked at him, black eyes peering at him so deep he wondered if Nico was looking at his soul. If he was picking him apart. “Dead people don’t give off body heat, Percy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He choked. Panic flooded his system.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then Nico grinned, quick, vicious, mocking, his teeth bared and eyes so wide he looked like a demon dressed up as a human.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Percy’s stomach flipped. He shook his head and looked away. “Fucking worried me there for a second, asshole.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Believe me, if I was dead, my father wouldn’t let me prostrate myself around for the whims of other gods’ children.” He cocked his head. His smile loosened just enough to become kind as he turned his focus to the TV. “Persephone made that up when she met my father the first time, you know. She claims it’s the real reason why she sneaks home during the summer.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Claims?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s the only excuse her mother will accept,” Nico explained. He glanced back at Percy, who was lightly fixated on the way Nico’s bare thigh was illuminated by the TV. “Something wrong?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Percy resisted the urge to burn in place. He shook his head and looked away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The other was littered in scars. It seemed unfair. Most of them were stretched in such a way you knew they’d been collected long before he finished growing. The shinier ones were the most upsetting - his time in Tartarus, his time as a toy for giants and monsters before they grew bored of watching him battle himself bloody at their behest and threw him into a jar to starve to death.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And even with all the bullshit he’d been through, Nico still did his best to stay alive. Not because he wanted to but because he knew the others needed him alive, that Hazel needed him alive.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He could’ve let himself pass and be welcomed into his father’s realm easily, lovingly, but he chose to suffer for others instead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It seemed unfair that’s how they lived their lives. Him and Hazel. They were willing to live for as long as they could help. Hazel had been under the impression that she was going to be whisked right back into the Underworld once she was finished fulfilling her purpose. It stung at him brutally that he never considered that, that he hadn’t thought of a plan for when everything was over and her life was more at risk than it had ever been.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That he hadn’t taken the moment to put together some argument for her to </span>
  <em>
    <span>stay</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She could’ve been dragged back into the Underworld and he’d done </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>How could anyone call him a hero when he was pathetically selfish?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nico kicked him, jarring from his thoughts. “You think too loud,” he said. He regarded Percy with a piercing gaze. “You don’t look good when you hate yourself, Percy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He swallowed. “Sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shrugging, Nico tilted his head back and sighed. “Do you want to test it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Percy glanced at him. “What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The human ice cube theory.” Nico cocked his head slightly, smiling low and sinister. “You don’t want to see if it’s true?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Immediate interest overtook him. Touching Nico used to be a massive no-no as he was growing up so he was tentative to overstep his boundaries without permission. The thought of testing Felix’s words hadn’t even occurred to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh. I mean, if- if you’re okay with it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t,” Nico said as he unbuttoned his Hawaiian shirt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Percy looked away, suddenly feeling perverted. “Where did you get the shirt?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Menoetes,” Nico said. He reached over and grabbed Percy quickly, yanking him down onto his chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His skin was cool to the touch. Not ice cube cold but like the feel of a constant breeze without the woosh of air. Percy closed his eyes, titling his face a little deeper into the skin. Under the touch, he could feel raised scars against his mouth and cheek.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Lick them</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thought and immediately tried to pull away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nico clamped a hand on the back of his neck, pinning him into place. “Stop freaking out,” he whispered. His hand slid through his hair, cooling away the sweat that had been forming. “You have to learn to relax.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Relaxing had never been Percy’s best move. He couldn’t remember a day where he hadn’t been stressed out of his mind in the last seven years. It was only recently, living in the Nome where nothing was expected of him but mundane chores and singing terribly to the Little Mermaid for the little ones.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even after he returned home, his mom had been trying so hard. It hurt him that he couldn’t be better for her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That he couldn’t be like he used to. That he jumped every time she called out to him, every time she touched him, even when he knew it was coming. That his instinct was to choke her when she tried to rouse him from a nightmare. That she was trying so hard to help him and no matter what he was so pooled down by guilt he couldn’t manage it without wanting to scream.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Death seemed like the best way to achieve it, the most ultimate form of relaxation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Having lived in the Nome for almost a year, he was finding it easier and easier to do nothing, to not be sitting in his bed waiting for someone to come down and tell him he had to go on another life-threatening quest to save a world that didn’t care if he lived or died. That would just throw someone out after him if he did or drag him back in for another world-saving adventure if he did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It used to be so bad Carter prefaced every outing out of his room for weeks with the words, “Nothing’s expected, Percy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing’s expected, Percy. Everyone just wanted to go to the aquarium and we thought you’d like to see the fish. If you do go though, Cleo does want you to tell them that she loves them because she’s not sure if they understand her.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing’s expected, Percy. Jaz just thought you might like to grab some lunch today.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing’s expected, Percy. Julian just wants to show off some of his skills and you’re the only person who didn’t know him when he used to trip over his own shoelaces trying to hit something with his khopesh. I’ll be training with him anyway. He just wants you to watch.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing’s expected, Percy. You’re safe here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now he didn’t have to. Not as much anyway. Sometimes he did but those were on the days Percy was scared to even set foot outside his bedroom, much less the Nome. Worried that his presence outside the safety of the Nome boundaries would send some kind of signal flare to his gods and they’d descend on him like a hawk on a mouse. Percy wasn’t sure what it was that Carter saw on those days but he always knew and he always used the words as a reminder that Percy was okay.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That he was safe, not expected to fight until he was broken even more than he already was, cracked beyond belief and forced to glue himself back together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t even know what pieces fit where anymore.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nico’s fingernails scraped against his scalp. He shivered, moving his hands up. As he laid his hands against Nico’s sides, intending to wrap around him, it dawned on him that he used to sleep like this with Annabeth some nights.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before they broke up, arguments and tension showing them for what they were. Mismatched puzzle pieces trying their damndest to fit against each other because they didn’t know any better. Was he just trying this again? Attempting to shove himself into someone else’s puzzle because he was terrified of being alone with his thoughts? He exhaled shakily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nico’s fingers stopped. “Something wrong?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” he said quietly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nico was an interesting creature. At first sight, he’d been an annoying little kid. Then a touch-and-go entity, someone who was willing to help but without any explanation to how he knew the things he knew to the point that if anyone considered it for even a moment, concern about his loyalties would’ve been the first thing to hit them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After the first war, he’d grown even further into his unknown personality. Then a few brief weeks after the second war, he was the image of someone Percy had never seen before - smiley, happy, bright. It wasn’t the same as it had been. When Bianca had been alive and he was gleeful. It felt fake this time around.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If the way he spoke of his previous relationship had been anything to go by, it was fake. A desperation to be appreciated and liked by people who would’ve cowered around him otherwise.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now, as Percy knew it, Nico frequented Camp with the same interest he used to. Bare and minimal. He only ever stopped by anymore to check in on the other Underworld children before he’d go to Camp Jupiter and check on Hazel and her Roman Underworld brood. Then he’d vanish again on another mission for his father, stopping by the Nome to help Walt when called on or, apparently, to snuggle against Felix as a human air conditioner.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Percy didn’t know what to think of him anymore. The more he learned about him, the more stupid he felt for assuming anything about him in the first place. Nico was a little shit, who teased the hell out of everyone mercilessly. He was kind, picked up the little kids when they so much as raised their arms and made shadows dance for them when they asked. He spoke with an authoritative tone, never supplemented with any stammers. And when he did, the others listened, no matter what was being said. Something serious or joking? Context was irrelevant. You shut the fuck up and listened to his voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had a confidence about him that Percy wanted to drown in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It reminded him of the person he used to think Carter was before he discovered that he was actually an anxious mess overcoming a massive imposter syndrome. Carter could command the room easily as well. Unlike with Nico though, it was touch and go on whether they listened. The younger kids usually did. Anyone older than ten tended to try and fight on it before he got a look on his face that screamed “mom counting to three” energy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Carter was still someone Percy wished he could be. He held himself regally. If he had to pick between him and Horus, he’d struggle trying to figure out which one was the true god. Carter radiated power, intelligence, capabilities. It didn’t matter if he was secretly an anxious mess so deeply in love with his girlfriend it was sickening to listen to. He was immaculate at first sight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just being in his presence, Percy felt out of place.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Spending time with him had lessened that but in the first month or so of living in the Nome, he was under the concern that at any moment Carter, or anyone of them, would realize he didn’t live up to anything and make him leave. He just faked his way through every action and thought. He’d refused to unpack his suitcase, convinced he’d be on his way home soon, convinced his life here was just a temporary blip made from pity.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sadie had literally kicked the door down and made him stand in the corner while she sorted through his things and packed them all away. Then she’d whirled on him, stuck her finger in his face and snapped, “You’re fucking here to </span>
  <em>
    <span>stay</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Jackson. Stop acting like we’re gonna bloody well shove you out the window for breathing wrong!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then she stomped out his room, her combat boots loud against the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sadie was a wildfire of a person.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They all liked to joke that the gods picked the wrong hosts between her and Carter but it made sense. Who else would be able to quell such an explosive personality other than Isis?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was jealous of them all for what they had. Even Nico and Hazel.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’d met Isis once so far. She’d come down to personally hand Sadie a gift for her birthday and whisk her away to dinner. When Sadie came back, she was light and relaxed. Every casual visit from </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> dad left him feeling on edge. Like a whale was about to come crashing down on him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He couldn’t imagine living with the allowance of a god to come in and out of your head willingly. He’d go insane if he had to deal with that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then again, their gods were structured so different from his own. Even the ones that they held antagonistic relationships with. If Zeus showed up, Percy would tell him to fuck off and he would </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> barely survive the encounter. If any other demigod told a god to piss off or </span>
  <em>
    <span>magically sent them away</span>
  </em>
  <span>, they’d be incinerated and it would mean nothing. Percy was heavily aware that his father’s love was solely on the basis that he was his only living mortal child. The moment his half-siblings finally started cropping up the radars, he would only be able to coast by on his two-time saviour status and who’s to say that would grant him </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span> at the end of the day. He’d have to hold back every thought.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But maybe calling Zeus a bitch to his face would make Hades laugh enough that dying would be quick.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop that,” Nico hissed, his fingernails digging into the flesh of Percy’s ear lobe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Percy jerked back, his hands planting on the couch. He raised enough that his legs were still laid against Nico’s but his chest was up, his gaze peering down at Nico rather than up. His eyes were black, his lips turned down into an annoyed scowl.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t think I can tell when you’re morbid?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Percy’s breath caught in his throat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t like it, Percy,” he snapped. “Relax.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Annabeth didn’t relax. She would say the words but she meant them differently. Relax, Percy. It’s just math. Relax, Percy. It’s just a monster. We’ve done this a thousand times. Relax, Percy. It’s just a nightmare. It doesn’t even mean anything.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her whole upbringing had been with the expectation that she would one day be able to journey through the things she journeyed through. After all, hadn’t she been thrilled when he showed up? When she realized she could join him on his first quest? She hadn’t even liked him then.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She reacted differently in the aftermath of everything and he was tired of trying to fight her needs, to be the person she wanted when she couldn’t sit still enough to enjoy a night on the couch watching a movie marathon. She could talk about the things that happened with ease. He wanted to throw up just thinking about it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nico’s gaze echoed something wholly different than what he was used to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He reached up, cold fingers cupping against Percy’s cheek. “Relax,” he whispered. “It’s just me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nico-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please?” His breath caught again. He felt like a balloon, inflating and inflating, on the edge of exploding. Nico slid up until they were looking at each other head on. He pushed a hand against  Percy’s chest, murmuring something softly under his breath in a language Percy couldn’t understand. He gathered one of Percy’s hands, pressing them to his bare chest, his heartbeat steady. Then, “Just breathe for me, Percy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He closed his eyes, steadying himself to match the slow beat of Nico’s heart under his hand. Until all the quaking anger and self-hatred and exhaustion had dwindled down to background thoughts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pulled back, kneeling. Nico had reclined against the arm of the couch like a prince admiring his latest conquest. His shirt was still open, slipped off to display the brunt of his chest to the world. His shorts had ridden up. The sight made Percy’s skin warm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nico looked at him. “Do you want to kiss me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Heart exploding, Percy panicked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nico caught his wrist and tugged him closer. He splayed out unceremoniously on top of Nico once again. His breathing was measured. It was unfair. Percy was a mess in the making and Nico was refined. He could barely remember when it had been the other way around and even then he’d been unfairly unaware of it, oblivious to everything about Nico.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shifted up onto one hand, his other still caught in Nico’s grip. He was playing with his fingers mindlessly. Like what he had said meant nothing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Did he want to kiss him?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yes, yes, yes, yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So much it hurt. But it felt wrong, cruel to do so.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nico closed his eyes and tilted his head back. The expanse of his neck displayed. It was the one part of him that didn’t have a shred of scars touching it. Unconsciously, Percy leaned down. He felt the top of his head brush against Nico’s chin and stilled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Touching was still a no-no to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t mean it</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shivered at the words burning into his memory. Wasn’t Nico an honest person down to the bone? Death had no place for lies.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pressed a chapped kiss to Nico’s jugular, feeling the bob under his touch before he pulled away and fell backwards. The ceiling was dark but he could feel the light of the TV flash against his skin as he shut his eyes. He was warm, lips tingling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he reopened them, Nico was hovering above him, his hair a hanging mess around his face. “Did I kill you, little pup?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The tone was teasing and the nickname was mocking. Bast called him that, a distinction against her kittens, the intended inhabitants of the Nome. It wasn’t cruel when she said it, even if she didn’t like dogs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please don’t call me that,” Percy laughed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nico’s eyes were hidden from view but when he laughed in tune with Percy, it felt real and genuine. He relaxed as Nico laid down against him, skin cooling the warm flush he’d developed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re calm now,” he said quietly against Percy’s shirt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His stomach dropped and he closed his eyes. The way Nico spoke was hushed, hidden. Had it all been a trap to relax him? Or was it a genuine intent to reciprocate Percy’s feeling without saying a word to them?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nico reached up and pinched his nose closed. He spluttered, shoving his arm away. “What the fuck, Nico?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop thinking,” he said. He pushed up with one hand. The weight of his body was pinpointed deep into Percy’s stomach. The spot where his Achilles’ heel used to be tingled as it dug into the cushioning. “You’re fine, Percy. Just breathe with me, okay?” He swept his hair back. “Do I look like someone who uses people?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Percy swallowed. The words fell out like an admission, a whisper into the darkness. “You’ve never looked like that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nico smiled softly. “Then relax. It’s just me. You don’t have to overthink it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The words cut out of him without warning. It felt like a confession and he squeezed his eyes shut. He’d never been a saint to his own emotions, worried about the world ending. Annabeth had occurred and he didn’t fight it. It was no lie that he loved her, that he always had. He still worried in the aftermath of their break-up that maybe it’d never been romantic and he just fell into it because he didn’t think anything against it. He couldn’t tell.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was better at helping other people with their emotions than he was at sorting out his own.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The confession burned him. There were a thousand different ways he wanted to approach the subject. Gently and thought out. Maybe never. Not in the middle of the night after a spell of sleeplessness because he couldn’t stop Tartarus from drifting into his head, because he couldn’t stop his own guilt about </span>
  <em>
    <span>Bob</span>
  </em>
  <span>, his own fears about ripping someone from the inside out from pulling into his mind, a constant reminder that he wasn’t a hero. He was a danger to everyone around him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It felt like a joke too. Were they genuine? Or was he just going for someone he didn’t view as off-limits? Was it because of what Nico had told him four years ago? Was it because he made Percy feel safe and comfortable? The aura of death around him was like a call. It made him want to die a little less because it was already so close by.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gods, he was selfish.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nico stared down at him. Then slid back to his knees.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It jumped into his throat to beg him not to run away, not to leave but he couldn’t bring himself to say the words out loud. It was unfair of him to do so after making Nico do so much for him already. After he already had explained that Will and him had failed because the other wanted to control his presence with a fine tooth comb.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He closed his eyes. “Nico, I-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He went quiet. He kept his eyes closed, reaching out for one of the pillows he’d scattered to the ground instead. The TV was quiet as it slipped from content to commercial. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Over the soft sounds of someone talking about the power of an air freshener, Nico spoke, his voice hushed. “You were a symbol to me for the longest time, you know. The big hero I always dreamed of. But you’re not that guy anymore, are you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Percy didn’t know what to say or do. He drew one of the throw pillows into his chest. It pressed so close and tight to him, he wouldn’t have been surprised if it exploded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I like you better like this, Percy.” Percy’s eyes snapped open. Nico was leaning down close to him, his voice and breath against his ear. Cold, cooling. He pulled away again, still hovering, but far enough that Percy felt like he was out of reach. He gripped the pillow closer to him. Nico stared at him. “You’re actually a person now.” He stilled to a silence. Percy’s heart hammered in his chest. “I wasn’t a hero to you. But I wasn't a person either, was I?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Percy shook his head. The word hurt to think, much less </span>
  <em>
    <span>say</span>
  </em>
  <span> but he couldn’t lie. “No.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nico’s finger traced against the pillow. “But I am now, aren’t I?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded slowly, deliberately, unable to pull his gaze from Nico’s. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then it’s okay,” Nico whispered. He shifted until his lips were only a few inches away from Percy’s. “It’s just me, Percy. You don’t have to be scared.” He smiled kindly. “Just relax, okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Percy nodded. When Nico shifted upwards, kissing his forehead quick and brief, he felt muted. Nico laid down against the pillow, one hand curling around Percy’s. His skin was cool against Percy’s sweaty hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, taking in the sound of Nico’s breathing, the TV murmuring before him and the sensation of silence trickling around him, comforting instead of worrying.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Just relax</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thought. Tentative, he slid his free hand through Nico’s hair. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nothing’s expected, Percy</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
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